Hate it or love it.

Is over...  i mean my birthday.
Yea... just like how i expect it to be. But never reaching what i hope to be.... kinda stabs..
However it is ok, since i expected this.
1st of all, thanks for all the wishes ! Hundreds of them, and i really appreciate those who really meant what they said. Knowing most of them are actually just random 'Hey, maybe i should wish him since it is his bday, and fb said it !'
For those who contact me through phone, i appreciate them even more. This prove u really remember.
It is really not much of them, but thanks !
I favor hearts more than quantity.
For 1 day, i tell myself i must smile. I did my best, and really thanks to my ChunJun sis, for coming back to Kuantan just for this particular day. With loves, thanks !

For whole of my life, there aren't much birthday that i really enjoy with.
Perhaps, there are 1, thanks for someone who made it possible back then.
I am not being extreme, just that it is truth.
My family just wont throw up a party for me, when i was small. And being a kid, i envy my friends so so much. However those are history, it don't mean a thing for me now.
When i slightly grow up, on secondary, they are friends who would celebrate for me. But 13th October is always the end year exam period, so i can't really enjoy it.
Talking about MMU, every 13th of October is semester break. And every semester break, i will be at this place, Kuantan. A place where i have no single friends, since i move here after my secondary and i come straight to MMU after that. Fated perhaps ? Who knows, but it don't really matters. Maybe someday, somehow, all this will change.
Dull ? Down ? Negative ? Think and judge however u like. I am used to being claimed as EMO after all.
No matter how u said it, i am just being truthful to my life, to my thoughts, to my soul.
I might be tired of being down myself, but i hate it even more having to fake myself - so that i look real cheerful.
I am not asking everyone to understand my position, since i can't do the same for every of my friends as well.
But i really appreciate those who just stand by me all these time. For those who really know me, you will know that sometimes i just prefer someone to be by my side, speaking nothing.
Sometimes i just don't feel like talking, sometimes i just find that a silent accompany is real comfortable.
A session of swing at playground, a session of beach breeze, a session of hill-top sitting, a session of lying on grasses... sometimes all these is what i prefer.
Perhaps none of my cyberjaya's friend knew this, i like all these since i was a kid.
However.... for some reason, i am trying to have this changed, i am trying to be a lil bit more talkative, i am trying to speak all out, i am trying to try ...
But i know... i am disappointing...
And for majority, this is what they claimed as EMO.
Maybe it is, if yes, then just let me be an EMO.
I prefer to be called an EMO rather than i calling myself a faker.
However, despite all these ' EMO'. I personally think i never goes beyond the line, i treat my friends as friend, i treat my family as family, emotion just won't affect what it shudn't be affecting... at least i try my best to not let it.

Ok, enough of this EMO topic. I am just trying to make things clear. Get it or not, i can't control you.
You get my words, to remember or to recycle, is all on you.

Lastly, again... thanks for all the blessing, all the words !
With loves, i wish you guys and girls all da best too ! This goes to my family members too.
Being 20 now, i am proud of being one. Haha... used to remember how i wanted to grow up when i was small.
Thinking of wanted to lead my own life, my own family, being a proper guy, a proper family member.
Yea... no 1 actually dream of all these when they are small, especially boys.
Maybe i am real weird, maybe i am all messed up, maybe i am a freak...
However u call it ... this is LIN YI YUN 林宜运.
Hate it or love it, choose yourself =)

***

Having no expectation, but it still turns out to be disappointing.
Backfires by my own hope ? Perhaps...to expect and to hope are 2 very different things.

**

Comments

Siew Ting said…
can't help not to expect anything, if not how come will felt disappointed? not fulfill expectation is more hurts than hope turns out nothing do.
yiyun 宜运 said…
*hurts than hope turns out nothing do.* ... ermm grammar error ? haha.
Anyway, thanks for even dropping a comment.

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