微微笑着 ; Mirror 2

简单就好.
最近, 一切简简单单... 不过很开心.
微笑都一直保持着.
没什么非常特别的... 然而一些简单的事情也足于让我笑起来了.
我喜欢我现在自己的笑容... 因为它好真实.
虽然此刻, 有点病了... 但我依然微微笑着.
所以我会守护这微笑的原因, 只希望它能够继续留在我身旁 =)

***
December 11th , 2AM

Although i never ever take things for granted... but sometimes things just doesnt goes the right way...
To recall on what i written last time, titled 'mirror'...
Seems like im still doing the reflection ... just like now...
Everything is so affecting on me...
And i don't really have what it takes to alter it...

All my friends are giving me positive feedback recently...
Well, things maybe have gone better in some sense....
But in the end, im the only one who truly knows what's going on ...
And despite all of the courage, support, and faith you guys given on me...
Me myself... doesn't possesed such amount of faith on this matter...
I wish, i hope, and i actually have faith.... but maybe what i lack is confidence on myself...
Is not easy for me to build up my confidence.... but it is simple to break it down...
So all these time, i couldn't even remember how many hundred times i told myself to stay tough.
Even my desktop reminder wrote 'Stay tough, just don't give up yet.'

Maybe not even my housemate notice this, but every night before i sleep, i will stand by the balcony doing all the praying. Not actually praying for myself... but rather praying for the another side of the mirror... if u get what i mean...
It might sounds silly, but i feel better doing that... Since after all these time, i still can't really look deep into this another side of mirror....So, it leaves me no options but to pray hard for it.... Pray hard that in my very own reflection, i can find myself smiling cheerfully...not being sad and troubled...

This is not actually an emo post... just a feedback on what my friends respond recently, with a little bit of my own thoughts... Frankly speaking,  i love what you guys say ... and wish it could be true. I am just afraid that i might dissapoint you guys...
But anyway, i feel stronger when i know there are you guys behind my back. Maybe some of you doesn't really do anything, but the presence itself helps =)
Lets just hope things can really turn out the way i wish.

****

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